What Is Hoarding?

What’s the Difference Between Hoarding and Collecting?

Hoarding or collecting things,
Is there a difference? Yes, there is!
When collecting, you are spending,
Much of your time seeking,
Organizing, maintaining and…
Displaying your cherished items,

However, when hoarding,
You are just accumulating,
Quantities of things that have,
Little or no value and,
You tend to find getting rid,
Of those items very difficult…

Many hoarders also shop too much,
Collect too many free items,
Mix valuable and worthless,
Experience emotional distress,
Hoarding is NO small matter,
It doesn’t just affect him/her,

But also those living with him/her,
Estimated prevalence is up to,
5% of world population,
How do family members feel?
How do you think you would feel,
If gradually, over time, your home,

Changed from being a place,
You felt safe and comfortable,
To one where you had to fight,
To keep areas from being taken over,
By the hoarder and his/her stuff?
Would you feel relaxed or stressed?

Here is one woman’s story,
Shared with *Mary’s permission,
Certain details have been changed,
To protect her privacy,
Mary is so very tired,
She loves her partner,

They have been living together,
For nearly two decades,
One day, about fifteen years ago,
A small battle began around,
The silliest of things,
Plastic food containers,

This was a battle she would try to fight,
Day in and day out to no avail,
This may sound trivial,
And on one level it was,
But on another level,
It wasn’t you see,

Because when you have a home,
There is only so much space,
In every room for storage,
This includes the kitchen,
So when her partner started buying,
A few extra plastic containers,

More than what they needed,
To store their leftovers,
This wasn’t a big deal, at first,
But what happens when your partner,
Continues to buy more and more,
More than you can possibly stack/fit?

Mary tried to joke with her partner,
She tried to appeal rationally,
But it was all to no avail,
Her partner could not hear her,
In sheer desperation, Mary started to,
Recycle some containers,

To keep their kitchen in order,
Somehow despite her recycling attempts,
More plastic food containers would,
Always appear and she was unable to,
Stay ahead of the quantity purchased,
Finally, she thought of stacking them,

Above the kitchen cabinets,
This way, she thought, for sure,
Her partner would be assured,
That they have more than enough,
And would surely stop buying,
More plastic containers…

But you see, hoarding isn’t really, about,
Having or seeing that you have enough,
So the mere assurance that there were,
Enough plastic containers did not satisfy,
Her partner still had a hole,
Some unexpressed need/emotion,

But rather than delve into what was the issue,
Her partner went on to purchase extras,
Of other kitchen supplies such as…
Cheese graters, pasta strainers, egg poachers,
Water pitchers and mixing bowls,
Mary was at a loss at what to do,

It was becoming increasingly harder,
To keep things neat and orderly,
The supplies were growing daily/weekly,
By now, the shelf above the cabinet,
Was completely full,
Mary was on a boat with a hole in it,

She had one bucket with which she tried,
To stop the boat from sinking,
But the hole was getting larger,
The water pushing through the hole,
Was getting stronger,
How much longer could she do this?

How much longer could she keep,
Trying to keep the boat from sinking?
She was exhausted from all the work,
Required to keep the boat afloat,
What’s Mary to do?
She feels like her partner,

Wants to bury her with stuff,
That soon there won’t be enough,
Oxygen for her to breathe…
This is how it feels,
You feel closed in,
All your space is being taken away,

Mary is in quicksand,
The more she struggles or resists,
The more her partner needs to buy,
There is nothing she can do,
Unless her partner is willing to see,
How much she is hurting,

Unless her partner is willing to help,
And get some professional assistance,
To start tackling the piles of stuff,
Otherwise, the piles and extras will,
Continue to grow,
And they will both be buried…

If you are the partner/child/parent,
As upset as you may feel,
Wait until you have permission,
To do any cleaning or clearing,
Just cleaning by itself without therapy,
Won’t lead to long-lasting change,

What happened to Mary?
She confronted partner about hoarding,
Partner is now working with a professional,
Tide has started to shift,
Partner is going through the stuff,
And thinking twice about purchases,

Perhaps the boat hole has stopped growing?
Water is no longer rushing through with same force…
Mary is keeping her fingers crossed,
At the same time, she is on guard,
Partner has engaged in hoarding for years,
Hoarding is a difficult illness to treat,

It takes time to understand it,
For a hoarder to adjust misconceptions,
He/she has about the things,
He/she has been saving, buying and storing,
Mary must be patient…
But now there is now some hope!

In a future post, I will share some learnings on how to work with someone who has a hoarding problem.

What are your thoughts or experiences with hoarding? I’d love to hear from you 🙂

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Reference: (UNC-Chapel Hill School of Social Work). April 2013. Risk and protective factors related to hoarding
Bedroom rating scale thanks to International OCD Foundation
*Mary is a fictional name and a composite of a number of different cases. Any resemblance to an actual person is entirely coincidental.

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